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04/16/2015

Nootic Blast

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Chasing after the Wind

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I'm done chasing after the wind

Until I'd feel it no more on me,
Just so I could tell myself,
That it was always on my side.
As if it ever led me anywhere,
Except in less round a circle!
There is no mouth that drew it,
Into the bossom of the earth.
It's but a groping 'cross the dark,
For hold to climb the mountains,
Over and over until they wear away,
As sand to give up to the wind.
The fabric billows around me,
Thrashing about with passion.
But I must ever stand still,
To stare into the distance.
I must seek the highest peaks,
Stay where winds shriek loudest:
"there, or there, all around below –
So many places in the distance."
But I see well enough from here
That there is nothing there.
If I wander into the desert,
I may not ever return again.
For now I must man my post,
And stand against the wind;
Ever watching and Waiting,
For friend or foe to come.
 

Ecclesiastes 1

Masked Ball

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Spinning

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Crucifix

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My arms are open for you,

And they will be always.
I'd never let go of you,
Your body as part of mine.
The verdict's been made;
I'm assigned to your name.
It's now my only purpose:
Or I'm but a frame of wood.
I will be the death of you,
As I was felled for you.
I have a place upon me,
Just for you to hang.
I'd bang the nail deeper,
All the way into your heart.
It'd be the last thing I'd do,
Then I'd let you move no more.
I'd crucify you onto me,
For claiming immortality.
You're not a child of god,
But a sinner just like me.
Let us rest suspended,
Betwixt heaven and earth,
Be even with the Skyline,
 
Until your resurrection.

Freedom and Equality

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Freedom is equality of power, the balance between submission and dominance. Conflict between people happens when one opposes another’s dominance, and as people always at least somewhat dominate each other, it is needed to keep balance between them. There is nothing wrong with conflict itself, as long as we do not break the connection we have with each other, and as long as we keep this connection we can also feel at what point the other would break the connection themself. 

Autism vs Schizotypy

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Autistics see through a microscope, schizotypals through a telescope.
If autism is caused by increased glutamate 1 and schizotypy by decreased glutamate 2 they are each other's opposite, even though they often both get the same diagnosis. Glutamate modulates dopamine, 3 so that the difference between the two is that of attention. Because glutamate mediates memorization, autistics are more focused on old patterns (the known), and schizotypals on new patterns (the unknown).
As they will make more connections to these, the former's will become narrower and the latter's broader, causing the former will have too little connection between different parts (incl. hemispheres) of the mind/brain 4 and the latter too little connection within them, causing the former's brain waves to separate into faster, alert ones and the latter's into slower, dreamy ones. The linearity of the former and parallelism of the latter causes autistics to be more rational and the latter more intuitive. As we need both intuition to know what our needs are and reason to know how to fulfill them, both have problems with self-care.
1 Tamer H. Hassana et al.: Blood and brain glutamate levels in children with autistic disorder

 

Chalkstone

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Styx

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Hell's Perpetuum Mobile

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So you thought all you had to do,

Was to wait for eternity to end.
But no one's keeping you here:
You'll go anwyhere you want.
Just try to find a way out;
It's how this place works.
Beyond each room's another,
Each with another ordeal.
In some nothing happens at all:
They're by far the worst of all.
The next one may be better.
You'll know when you tried them all.
You built upon self-service:
And wait but on yourself.
You cannot wait forever;
In time the orders will come.
Soon enough you'll pick a poison:
't May be better than the thirst.
Run as fast as you can,
It'll only fan the flames.
Stir the cinders underfoot,
So the fire never blows out.
Your flesh will fuel the fire,
Till your ashes rain on you.
You're the only demon,
Never to leave your side.
There's nothing outside of here,
For it's inside of all there is.
To what's made out of thoughts,

Nothing's ever out of reach.

04/09/2015

Numen Eye

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Ephemeral

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The Quiet East Bank

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04/08/2015

Flowers for 0536

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Electron Microscope

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Battle of April

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Sandstone Desert

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The Network

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Go talk to the walls;

Doors won't open up.

Bang your head on the walls;

Walls won't open up.

Go climb up the walls;

Ceilings won't open up.

Why walk out the door,

When theirs won't open up?

Why walk out the city,

When fields won't open up?

Why walk out the world,

When thickets won't open up?

All is closed on the last day,

Another morrow won't come.

If space is the final frontier,

I may as well be nothing.

At least it does not lie

 

Of being anything else.

When a Tree Falls

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I stand erect before them,

But what won't bend will break.

I never flinch before the steel,

And stay unmoved by its strokes.

Stiff as a wooden soldier

That's broken from its ranks,

I'll suckle no vermin with tears,

Though blight's eating out my heart.

My bark remains unbroken,

A shroud to cover up my death.

Borders closed along my skin,

The fall comes from within.

My being is rotting inside,

As I hollow myself out.

It can make me stronger,

If I'm so strong as to survive.

I've been waiting here so long

That I think this tree is me,

I don't have to fell the trunk,

 

To move out of its shade.

The other Side

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The Other Side

We’re waiting for the light,

At the end of our tunnel.

But we dug ourselves in,

With our heads in the sand.

We will only see the light

If we move to the other side.

We must brave the elements

To move beyond our cave.

I crawled down a passage,

Until there was no way back.

With nowhere to turn

I kept moving forward.

My life’s one-way trip,

Comes to a dead end.

I bang my head on the wall,

 

 

And the hollow collapses.

Gremlin

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Get me out of this thing.

They stuck me in here.

I don't recall how I got in,

Or if there's even any out.

What if I pull this wire,

Or this one over here?

What's out there anyway?

I only know what I see.

There are no windows,

And all the monitors glitch.

Why don't these controls work?

I can't even send this message!

It's divided in four chambers,

Going almost in a circle,

Up until the last chamber:

It has no door into the first.

I've gone over all the parts,

But there are only walls beyond.

What's my part in this vessel?

It's sure not that of a mechanic.

Am I a parasite riding along,

Or is it built as a trap just for me?

I am the ghost in the machine,

The chance you didn't foresee.

I am everything that's out of place,

The butterfly flying windward.

But in the end I'm still a passenger, 

Going along wherever it's going.

But I've got a feeling it's going down,

 

 

And the poltergeist scratches its coffin.

Witches’ Brew

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Slosh around, thoughts,

Draw all into your vortex.

I will absorb that nears

Within my field of gravity.

The brew must keep stirring

Until all the tissue dissolves.

Like a flesh-eating plant,

I devour anything I touch.

There’s a bit of all in the recipe,

Being written in my stars.

If all is made in you:

Then make me like you.

If I’m made of what I eat,

I’m all that's loved and hated.

I hold all of you inside,

 

Until you're ground together.

(Sch)Ism!

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I'm getting interference

With the voices in your head.

I've lost you in the chatter;

Which of you is really you?

You swear you know nothing,

But what I might hear from anyone.

You hide in a letter collage,

Each thought another plagiarism.

You speak for any but yourself –

I might as well listen to a radio.

You repeat what you're told,

And censor all the rest.

What's yours with even your mind

Was constructed as public property.

How many hands has it passed,

What diseases caught on the way?

You're right here in front of me,

But your mind you left with others.

You're a spokesperson of any

Who make you belong to them.

I see you get swept away

In the magnetic storm.

I duck and shield my eyes

 

 

To the glaring white lie noise.

Time Bombs

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Tally up your score

For judgment day.

Count your kills,

Till judgment day.

The game's only over

When you lose.

The game's only over

When you die.

Sacrifice your life

To the god of death.

Jump of a cliff,

To set an example.

Torment yourself,

So God sees your strength.

Haven't you heard?

That's how God died.

We're all just suicide bombers,

Racing for first blood.

Our heart's set to blow,

 

And time's ticking away.

Connection and Expression

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Connection with someone takes expression, either mental (creativity, e.g. play, humor, art) or physical (affect display, e.g. tactile, vocal, facial). Any other connection we seem to have with each other is actually a connection we have together with something outside of either of ourselves, although this may itself lead to a connection with each other, as we always express ourselves to some degree even when communicating about something else.

 

The Minimalism of Zen

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At any one moment we only have a bit of consciousness, and it only seems more because we go from one bit to another moment after moment. To be in the moment we must accept that we are conscious of almost nothing, and to be fully conscious of something in the moment, we need to make it as simple as possible.

Crystal Fungus

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Cave Light

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Carthage Cloud

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You are sentenced to death

For living on hostile soil.

You shouldn't've been born here:

Anywhere else you'd be on my side.

It might've been one of us.

I but chance not to know them.

For anyone you'd care as little:

Your war's on all humanity.

You know not who you kill;

To you they all look the same.

And lives are just a harvest,

To trade for the greater goods.

Even knights had more honor:

Their enemies were armed.

This isn't war but execution,

A holocaust 'neath open skies.

Shuffle the cards at random,

We're dealt into your hands.

Draw a lot from the billions:

We're your shooting gallery.

Nothing would've stopped you,

As if you just happened to them.

You might as well be a machine:

Whatever happens can't stop you.

But you are no natural disaster,

On a collision course with life.

You're as indifferent as the dead:

Naught that lives is as unworthy to.

We remember who the enemy is –

And we will never forget it:

The enemies of all life,

Kill those they do not know.

Your anger may target any,

To rest there but for instants —

But ours does not change,

And it will last into forever.

Go hide in your herd:

We will bide our time.

You will stay in our sight;

In dreams we'll still be there.

To all those who have the blood

Of innocents on their hands,

Wherever you come from,

Or think you fought for:

We will meet again in hell,

And we will mind no pain,

When we stoke your fires,

If it be with our bare hands.

You'll not know how fire quivers

Until you feel it from our limbs.

When they tear with all its force

Through every layer of your flesh.

And we will so enjoy ourselves

That we too will want no heaven.

You will know the debt is paid,

 

 

When the wheel has gone full circle.

 

04/07/2015

Autarchy

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This is my dream,

Mine of many worlds,

This universe is mine,

For all that I see is I.

I'm the writer of my story,

The one and only true god.

As guests you are invited,

But I'll banish who invades.

I'll take anything I want,

Whatever it may be:

I want naught but to be free

From what would hold me down.

With all paradise to myself,

And none that care for it,

I can't be weighed down,

To travel end thro' end.

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